In part one we discussed the lethal game that is played by our culture that pretends that women’s ways of emoting are the default and that men are somehow deficient and less human because they don’t emote like women. If you haven’t read part one you can do so here.
We discussed the first two reasons that women are wrong about men and emotions. The first was that a man’s pain is taboo. No one wants to hear it, see it or be with it. Men know this and therefore move to a more solitary or active process to deal with things.
The second reason was hierarchy. Scientists have now “discovered” that men live in a hierarchy and are regularly tested on whether they are a man or not. Men are aware of this and avoid public emoting due to the rapid free fall in their hierarchical standing that often follows public.
The third reason is that men are denied any form of dependency. Think about it. Men will usually prefer to do it themselves and will avoid asking for help. Women make fun of this or they try to shame the man for his preference for independence. Men are geared to work towards independence. Why? Because independence is what is valued by women. Women tend to prefer men who are independent and will avoid those who are dependent. Men know this and are also aware that the culture at large prefers independent men. Emoting is a sure sign of dependency. This moves men to be as independent as possible. Here’s a quote that captures this in a profound manner. It’s from an article by a man named Peter Marin about homelessness:
To put it simply: men are neither supposed nor allowed to be dependent. They are expected to take care of others and themselves. And when they cannot or will not do it, then the assumption at the heart of the culture is that they are somehow less than men and therefore unworthy of help. An irony asserts itself: by being in need of help, men forfeit the right to it. (Peter Marin Abandoning Men: Jill Gets Welfare, Jack Becomes Homeless)
Men know that if they appear dependent they, as Marin so aptly put it, will forfeit the right to being helped. Is it any wonder that men will avoid dependency? Women tend to not understand this.
The fourth reason is that men continue to be locked into their sex roles including the provide and protect role. While women’s roles have become more loosened, men continue to be stuck in their traditional rigid roles. Think about you and your spouse waking up in the middle of the night after hearing a loud BOOM. Who goes to check? If she goes she gets all sorts of accolades for bravery etc etc. It she doesn’t go she is still okay. That’s her role flexibility. Either way and she is okay. But what about the man. If he goes, all is well. But if he says, “Honey, I’m scared, how bout you go this time?” You would never hear the end of it. He would get every label and name in the book, from pussy to wimp and on and on. Men are locked into this role and the role demands that you keep your cool, feel the fear, and do it anyway. It also demands NO EMOTING. Imagine a cop goes to an accident and breaks down in tears because he is so upset. No. He does his job first. Everything else comes later. Men have this in their bio-computer. They get the job done. I don’t think women understand this.
I’ve gone on enough. We can save the last one for the next time. The fifth reason is a man’s biology and how it impacts his emoting. Don’t miss this one. It’s important and you won’t hear this in the media. Never.
Men Are Good.