Why Men Like Independence

Happy Independence Day!  Yeah, I’m Independent.

Why is independence important to men?  Ever notice that men work hard to appear to be independent?  Men tend to not want help, preferring self-sufficiency, wanting to possess the resources to do something. They are hesitant to admit when they are coming up short,  not wanting to appear weak or soft including not wanting to show tender emotions.  What is driving this?

The driver of this is one of the best kept secrets in the world.  It’s the fact that men live every day in a male hierarchy.  Most are unaware of this.  It is common to hear women judge men harshly for wanting to appear independent, to be on top, to have it all together.  Women will often mistakenly see this as a sign of immaturity but the fact is that since boys went through puberty they have been living in a world that judges them and rates them on their manhood. Continuously.  Women have never experienced anything like it and they will often err by assuming he is just acting childishly or worse.   

Think that is incorrect?   Just look at the research that has been going on for the last 10 years on what researchers are calling “Precarious Manhood.”  The researchers are studying this phenomenon that shows itself as young men and men being rated  by cultures around the world.  Yes, this is not just in western cultures, they are finding the same rating systems universally.  They see that manhood is difficult to achieve and very easy to lose.  Compare this to womanhood where girls after puberty are automatically considered to be women. 

Ladies, you don’t have a clue about this and you would do well to start asking your man some questions about what it is like to be in his shoes.,  You would learn lots and he would feel, well, independent if you could understand the nature of this male hierarchy.

3 Replies to “Why Men Like Independence”

  1. Yes, that’s a very useful insight. You might add two things. First, that women rank men no less than other men do. Second, women face judgment and ranking for a different reason. For women, it’s about beauty–and not only by the standards of men (what feminists ignorantly call “objectification”). Women compete with each other for men so that they can marry “well” and have many healthy children. It’s true that middle-aged women who have married well and become mothers need not continue competing, but other women must resign themselves to being “old maids” without any hope of reprieve. My point here is that women should indeed be able to understand the plight of men in this regard (and therefore not to envy or hate men). All they need is a modicum of empathy. Whether feminists will ever tolerate empathy for men is another matter.

    1. Thanks Paul, always good to hear from you. Good points about the female hierarchy and women ranking men. When I give talks I ask women if they can understand when young women refuse to go out without her makeup. They all nod in affirmation and likely remember doing it themselves. Then we have a little talk about how this maneuver is designed to mask their weak spots in order to appear higher in their hierarchy of attractiveness. Then it is a short hop to see how men are doing the exactly same thing by not showing emotions in public.

  2. I wish this was addressed like this when I was a kid (I’m not giving away my age, by the way. LOL!) As is the case now, then, men’s independence was talked about as some kind of disease, or sense of immaturity, as you put it.

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